The insanity of Delirium...

:)

2008-05-05T21:22:32Z

I am proud to announce that today, Cinco De Mayo, May 5th, 2008, is mine and BJ`s official 1 year anniversary.
We have been together longer than that, but it is our official 1 year today. :)
I`ve never been happier.

Disturbing WolfHome log.

2008-04-23T13:15:49Z

Intrepid has been a project for a long time, almost a year and a half. It`s been a long, grueling process and one hell of a project to manage.
WolfHome has been around forever. It`s old school. I`ve had an account on WolfHome from the time it first launched til now and every time it went down I supported it to come back up again.
Apparently one of the Intrepid admin`s PRIVATE Journal has shoved a bug up some WolfHome admins asses. How ONE admin feels about WolfHome and writes in her PRIVATE JOURNAL does NOT reflect the opinions of the Intrepid staff. Thats why the journal is PRIVATE.

Underdog: Violindustrial has been with Intrepid since DAY ONE. February 2007!
She did NOT gain rank because she DISSED WOLFHOME. NO. She left originally on HER OWN TERMS DUE TO HER HEALTH and was given an OPEN INVITE back to Intrepid staff if she desired.
I, THE OWNER OF INTREPID, have RESPECT for YOU and YOUR SITE.
I, THE OWNER OF INTREPID, has NEVER accused YOU or YOUR SITE of stealing ideas! It came as a sudden shock that you turned up with similar ideas, but fuck it, people think for themselves and it doesnt mean that it wasn`t on your mind before you coded it.

Widget is an AMAZING PERSON and as well as an amazing coder.
He has a head on his shoulders and knows what he is doing.
We do not deserve the disrespect we have received seeing as how we have done NOTHING to deserve it.
I would LOVE for some one to fucking pull some sort of proof that Ive ever dissed WolfHome or underdog.
Would be a fucking miracle seeing as how I DONT diss people, I may speak of TRUE issues that bother me about a person, but I hae never deliberately made up stories or accusations to bring a bad name to anyone or their sites. It`s WRONG, it`s LOW and DISRESPECTFUL.
And unlike most I HAVE RESPECT for competition, for PEOPLE and their feelings.

What the fuck ever.
-Fuck Off Silence

Friends

2007-09-05T18:03:02Z

From this point on because of some shit thats been going on,
Id like to be able to write in my journal without certain people attacking me because they automatically assume that my posts are about them. So this will stop the confusion.

So I close with a song. Maybe you can learn something.

"Friends" - Kottonmouth Kings

[CHORUS]
It don't matter where you've been
Just focus on where you're going
Most people you think are friends
Ain't there when the tough gets going
Remember to keep your friends
Be wise with those you've chosen
'Cause only your closest friends
Are there when the going gets tough

When I think about it the definition change
Back in the old days it wasn't quite the same
Or maybe it was but on another level
Still pushing dirt with a different type of shovel
Loyalty, trust, unconditional foundation
Builds everlasting bonds and relations
I've got friends I haven't seen in years
I'd die for tonight forget and have a couple beers
On the other hand you never know where you stand
With certain types of friends they'll sell you out for some ends
Or some pussy or some weed or a business transaction
Some use words but I prefer action
I'm a break you off like an old school playa
My x-ray vision helps me see through the layers
Of you fakes, phonies, lies and deception
Ask Matt Hall if you need a life lesson

[CHORUS]

I've been all around the world and I met a lot of people
These fakes and phonies yo these cats I see through
Dickheads and homies some others glad to meet you
You better give respect to the ones that believed you
And were there by your side when the going got tough
And had your back when you got to fuck someone up
And lent you a buck when you was broke and hungry
And gave you a place to sleep living in their luxury
...
Fuck what ya'll think

[CHORUS]

To make it in this life you got to know who your friends
Your boys, your dogs, the ones with you 'til the end
The ones that never crack it, they never even bend
I mean like when your ass is broke they got the money to lend
The type that when you need a ride they give you the car
You don't worry about them running 'cause they'll always stand hard
Late night, can't drive, man you never too far
Barbeque by the pool chilling in the back yard
Stepping out on a Friday never leave you behind
The first to call you up when they're hitting the kind
None the less don't stress 'cause it'll always be fine
Like everything I got is yours and what you got is mine
Walk in the front door like they own the crib
But hey, what's theirs is yours and what's yours is theirs
I can't explain it no better that's just how it goes
Real friends can't be bought it's got to come from the soul so
It don't matter where you've been
Just focus on where you're going
Most people you think are friends
Ain't there when the tough gets going
Remember to keep your friends
Be wise with those you've chosen
'Cause only your closest friends
Are there when the going gets tough

Uh o.o;

2007-09-05T15:15:38Z

I got called into an office meeting just now.
I got promoted to Office Manager.
o.o;
Wow..
Ok.
o.o;

deliriumtrip @ 2007-09-05T08:11:00

2007-09-05T14:48:20Z

"Lie to Me" - 12 Stones

Our candle burns away
The ashes full of lies
I gave my soul to you
You cut me from behind

Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide
You're scared of the truth, I'm tired of the lies
Cuz who I am, is where you wanna be

Don't act like an angel
You fallen again
You're no super hero
I found in the end

So lie to me once again
And tell me everything will be alright
Lie to me once again
And ask yourself before we say goodbye
Well goodbye
Was it worth it in the end...

You said you were there for me
You wouldn't let me fall
All the times I shared with you
Were you even there at all?

Nowhere to run and no where to hide
You're scared of the truth, I'm tired of the lies
Cuz who I am, is where you wanna be

Don't act like an angel
You fallen again
You're no super hero
I found in the end

So lie to me once again
And tell me everything will be alright
Lie to me once again
And ask yourself before we say goodbye
Well goodbye
Was it worth it in the end

Why'd you have to up and run away
A million miles away
I wanna close my eyes and make believe
That I never found you

Just when I put my guard away
It's the same old story
You left me broken and betrayed
It's the same old story

Don't act like an angel
You fallen again
You're no super hero
I found in the end

So lie to me once again
And tell me everything will be alright
Lie to me once again
And ask yourself before we say goodbye
Well goodbye
Was it worth it in the end...

Lie to me once again
It's the same old story
Lie to me once again
It's the same old story

Was it worth it in the end...

OH For the record because SOME ONES keeps thinking my fucking LJ posts are about them or to them or relate to them some how or another. This post has NOTHING to do with you.

K so I am fucking tired and had to get up for work. Yay. I only work 2 days this week. The other 3 are paid time off. Why? Cuz I love my job and I have oral surgery tomorrow.
So.. PFFFFT JOG ON.

Yay

2007-09-05T00:24:12Z

Just because I can.

Folks
I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me
About you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe
With a regular job
I'm your average white
Suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I've got an average house
With a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job
My kids, and my car
My feet on my table
And a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no, no way, uh uhh
No, I gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow
In the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a real f**king asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
...
NAAAHHHHH!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadilac El Dorado Convertable
Hot pink!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why!
Two words: Nuclear Fuckin' Weapons
Okay!?
Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the Democracy they want
They can have a big Democracy cake walk
Right through the middle of Tienemen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we got the bombs
Okay!?
John Wayne's not dead
He's frozen!
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke"
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off "The Duke"'s gonna be
I'm gonna get "The Duke"
And John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin
And Sam Peckinpah
And a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas
And-
(Hey, Hey! You know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal?
You know, the whole time I thought I was that asshole
And it turns out it was him
What an asshole!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

A - SS - HO - LE!
Everybody!!
A - SS - HO - LE!

*dog barking noises*

I'm an asshole and proud of it!

-Denis Leary

deliriumtrip @ 2007-09-04T13:56:00

2007-09-04T19:56:58Z

When Intrepid comes up
Im selling it
and quitting the Internet.

This is a 75% chance right now.

C'est La Vie

2007-09-04T18:10:52Z

Well the boyfriend is talking about opening up an independent contracting business.
Ok.
Thats gunna take some time. In the mean time find a real job and make some money.

On the other foot.

Have you ever had that feeling where you just wanna turn around and punch some one in the face?
eh.........Yeah well I get that feeling all the time.

Oh and one of my best friends has recently grown stiff and cold to me.
Yep thanks.
Love you too.

But thats ok because I dont have to put up with it. Ill just pretend theyre not there.
Just like I do with Chimera, cuz only God knows I cant stand that hypocritical cheating prick.

Anyways within the next month I might be getting a promotion at work. Yay.
Now I can support two of us on one paycheck...Yeah right. I cant do it now and I still cant do it later. Not on $12/hr in this town. Not even on $15/hr. Cant work like that.

OH! I also bought a bonsai tree. Yep one to make my office Zen.

Anyways
<33333333 to all my friends and everyone I love.
Youre all good readers.

...

2007-08-29T17:51:51Z

Once I loved you with everything I had.
I dont love you anymore.
Im sorry but I dont.

(NO this is not for my boyfriend. You know who you are and why this is being posted.)

[OH and this will be a friends only journal soon.]

I am my own.

2007-08-29T16:46:56Z

People make me sick.
They sport their fake mask as if no one can see right through them.
Their false concern for you.
I am so tired of fake people expressing fake concern so that they can turn around and shrug me off of their shoulders as soon as I get out of sight.
Know what they say right?
Out of sight, out of mind.
I need to know where my REAL friends are.

I need to know who has true feelings for me. Who really cares about me and whats going on in my life.
If you dont care, then get the fuck out of my life and keep away from me.
Thats not a warning, its a promise.
I want nothing to do with some one who doesnt care about me.
Why? Because I dont care about them either.

Just like my RL sister.
Im done with her. Her lies, her deceit, her backstabbing. Shes hurt me so bad repeatedly.
"Im an addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love" - Liar - TBS
That quotes me so well.
Maybe thats the reason I can keep taking back and trying to trust those that repeatedly hurt me.
Im tired of being shunned and kicked in the face(metaphorically) and lied to repeatedly.
Some people are getting so good at lying, they can lie directly to my face and not even have a second thought.

I try to lead a good life.
I dont purposely hurt anyone.
I am honest.
What did I do to deserve this treatment?

Ew

2007-08-28T22:28:12Z

Sometimes I lay in bed and want to cry...But the tears just wont come.
-sigh-

I also need Emotes :(

To Anna

2007-08-07T13:53:38Z

Lyrics go to Anna/Violin.

none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah <3

"Speeding Cars" - Imogen Heap.
(listen first hand: www.myspace.com/imogenheap)

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violence
just run with me through rows of speeding cars.
The papercuts the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
i know you think it's more than just bad luck

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't loose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

it's ok by me..

it's ok by me..

it's ok by me..it was along time ago

it's ok by me..

it's ok by me..

it's ok by me..it was along time ago

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't loose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

My new toy.

2007-08-05T16:40:57Z

I bought it today.
Sick ass deal.
Ebay Auction:
2005 Suzuki GSX-R 750
1,391 miles
never been laid down, always garaged and covered.
never raced.
2 helmets and a jacket
$2800

Breaking Down

2007-08-03T19:56:01Z

Today is more stressful.
I cant get a loan for...anything...Not school, not a car, nothing.
Im tired of jumping through hoops and bending over backwards.
Im tired of hearing the word: No.
Sometimes I just want to sleep and not wake for awhile.

I love my boyfriend.
We are partners, we work together.

We are buying a brand new 2007 Ford F150 together.
I cant get approved by myself, but together with me as the main applicant and him as a second leasee then we can.
Its not that expensive, just under $20k.

We are doing it together.

Hes the only one saving my sanity, I swear...
If it wasnt for him Id go absolutely nuts and become disfunctional.

...

2007-08-01T13:30:34Z

He never ceases to amaze me.
He popped the 4 letter L word last night,
and baby.
I love you too.

I escape

2007-07-31T13:44:15Z

Well a week ago it happened.
As many know I was in a car accident April 28th.
Ive never delt with insurance before. So when BJ went in to file the claim (He was the driver) the insurance company started asking me a bunch of questions.
I answered truthfully to the best of my abilities.
Then they started calling and all of a sudden there was a claim...
Long story short:
I was in the backyard of my buddies Dave and Katie. Thomas was there as well.
I live with BJ and his parents.
His dad stormed over and infront of everyone started screaming at me:
"You filed this claim because you knew it was gunna fuck us over. My insurance blah blah blah."
"You have an hour to pack your shit and get out."

I did the only thing I knew to do. Ive never been with an insurance company before, Ive never been in a car accident before, Ive never been through these procedures.
How the FUCK WAS I supposed to know?

Im SO happy I have great friends who stood up for me. Im SO grateful that I have such a wonderful boyfriend who would choose living on the streets with me than have his parents treat me unfairly.
These are the true people in life and they only come around once in a life time.

But we got everything straight. I dont want to live there, I really dont, but right now we dont have a choice.
I dont like being around his parents.
Theyre stuck up prudes who look down on anyone other than their family.
Theyre judgemental.
I especially dont like his mom.
Shes two-faced with a hidden agenda.
She only means the best, but lying to my face and telling my boyfriend that she thinks that him and I shouldnt be together isnt going to cut it.
I bend over backwards to please her and everything I do is never enough.
Its not good enough.
It will never be good enough.

Im just so glad BJ told her that no one, not even him, will ever be good enough in her eyes.

Im just so tired of the lies.
When will it end.
I dont want to be here anymore.

Ozzfest

2007-07-30T15:10:22Z

Oh jesus ozzfest was a blast.
BJ and I went on Saturday in Denver.
We got there and waited over an hour in line only to be told there was a shorter line about 50 feet in the opposite direction.
When we got in, there was no time apparently, to stop and get some water.
A band that I wasnt paying too much attention to was on.
So we clawed our way upto the front of the crowd.
Anyways 3inchesofblood came on the stage and the crowd went nuts.
Say Mosh Pits (to be expected.)
We were right in the middle of them, every damn time.
I asked BJ to get me some water. Im 117lbs yeah right im gunna make it out and back in through that crowd by myself back to where the group was all by myself.
I didnt get any water.
An hour later I fainted.
Ive never fainted before.
My head started getting very hot, I couldnt see straight, I saw spots and before I knew it I landed on Bj and he was dragging me out of the crowd.

I recovered. We had fun.
Then they opened the grass for people to sit.
Surrounding the VIP area (Not grass but nice seating) was a bunch of staff.
We took advantage of that.

When the main events came on, we had good seats as far as not being a VIP went.
People were ripping the grass at Coors ampitheatre up and chucking HUGE pieces of sod into the VIP seating area.
There were people being dragged out because they got hit in the head with sod.
It was wild.

Long story short:
Static-X was GOD
Lamb of God was good.
In This Moment was sex.
Circus Diable rocked my socks
and of course Ozzy was SEX GOD.

On the way out, we got free Demo CDs by bands (The Ram and some other gay monster roar band) at the gate.
Needless to say, compared to the concert, these bands were terrible.
One could say they raped our ears.

Why?

2007-05-17T23:07:53Z

Today has been a terrible day.
We got evicted.
Now we rush to pack so we can be out in 3 days.

Ill elaborate later when I can see.

I just dont know anymore

2007-05-17T14:20:27Z

This is such a dilemma...It is a clash of interests...It breaks my heart.

My family has come to the conclusion that they want to move to Las Vegas.
Which is all fine and dandy in my eyes...
Well it was until I dropped my guard and allowed myself to feel emotion for a boy.
And hes great...Wonderful at that...
Last night we wrestled and played and had fun. I havent laughed like that in a very long time.
I enjoy wasting my time on him...If its enjoyed, I guess it isnt wasted.

Heres the dilemma:
I live in Colorado.
He lives in Colorado.
My family is moving to Nevada.

...

I dont want to part from him...
Hes talking to his parents about me moving in with them...Just temporarily.
I dont know what they will say.

I havent been this indecisive in a very long time.
I havent been this depressed in a long time as well.
It makes me cry thinking about it.
Theres no way to truely describe in words what Im feeling...Im just at a loss...
I dont know what to do...And I hate that.

-sigh-

I am lucky.

2007-05-16T17:19:43Z

Yes I am lucky.
Yes I am.

My boyfriend is the greatest guy in the world.
I feel great emotion for him.
Very strong.
And he feels the same.
And he makes me cry every day.
Why?
Because dispite the scarring on my face from the car accident...
He still takes time out of his day to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am.
And he never falls short of surprising me.

He is not really that romantic.
Its like he doesnt know how to be.
He tries, but he can never grasp the concept.
Doesnt matter. I like him for who he is...Not because he spoils me.

Its weird.
For once in my life I feel complete.
Ive found some one who completes me.
We finish each others sentences and say the same things or what happens to be exactly what the other was thinking.
Sleeping beside him is heaven.

IN FURTHER NEWS:

November 16-23rd Im going to be in Amsterdam.
Yeah...
I already paid for the trip, airfare, hotel, etc.
Its paid in full.
Im just waiting on my damn passport to arrive. Which should be at the end of the month.
Im bringing back some glass pieces which *WILL* be for sale.
Just comment this post if you want on my list for a glass piece.

_Absolut*

Update

2007-05-15T16:21:03Z

Update since August, 2006...

-I got a MIP at Emerald Isle, NC.

-I moved to Colorado.

-I lived with my aunt and uncle.

-My family moved to Colorado.

-I dated a boy named Kevin.

-I moved out of my aunt and uncles place. They are stuck up prudes with no sense of adventure.

-I dropped Kevins ass in like before Christmas. He was too young and immature.

-I got my own house.

-I went to Wisconsin with BJ (Spide) to pick up Cathy. The road trip there was a BLAST.

-On our way back to Colorado, we got lost in Wisconsin and ended up wasting an entire day.

-Cathy (Shizimiru/Comico/Kiba) came to "live" with me. It was a total disaster. She is never again welcome in my home.

-I applied for my passport.

-I got evicted.

-I went to Florida for 3 weeks to visit my cousin.

-I love Florida.

-I came back to Colorado.

-I went to the Kottonmouth Kings concert with BJ.

-The concert kicked ASS!

-BJ and I got in a car accident.

-I got stitches, a banged up cheek and a dislocated shoulder. BJ had a bruise on his thigh. (From the Accident)

-I went to a Cinco De Mayo party with BJ.

-BJ and I started dating the Fifth of May.

-BJ and I and MANY other people made a 3 day trip to Utah.

-We camped out in the White Wash Sand Dunes.

-We rode Quads and Bikes.

-I packed shit racing the quad at 60 mph.

-I almost stepped on a rattle snake.

-My family has decided to move to Las Vegas.

-I am trying to decide whether or not to stay here with BJ in Colorado or go to Vegas with my family.

tattoo

2006-07-15T19:53:35Z

I am willing to pay a pretty penny to find a suitable artist to design a custom tattoo for me.
If this interests you please inquire here.
I will choose a top 3, let them know my budget
and if this is accepted, from there I will make a final choice.
Be reminded, this is a single, small design which will consist of a quad wolf in the running position that will sit on the back of my hip above my rear.
It will be smaller than 450wx400l
so I believe my offer will be very fair.

Silence

x.tonight goodbye.x

2006-07-12T18:05:35Z

I`m sick...
very sick...
i`ve been having problems with my kidneys, especially my left one...
the doctor says he found an unusual lump on my left kidney while doing an ultrasound...
he thinks it might be a tumor...
i might have cancer...

R

Only

2006-03-08T23:49:11Z

My shadow falls into great deception
And a threat chases my heels
It challenges to alter our course of life action
And all I can do is sway into the winds of change
And fall into the winds of the past
I will hug the branch I grope to
And pray that I don`t fall
That the wind doesn`t blow too hard
I cry for the days to remain the same
Filled with laughter and smiles and happiness
You have always said that you would catch me when I fall
But
What if
You happen to glance in the opposite direction
And
In a shattering heart-wrenching cry
To hold myself to the breaking limb
I fall
And I plummet to the earth
Breaking the beautiful web we have worked so hard on weaving
I have cried every time
We have had to repair
The delicate spindles of emotional fibers
Now…My Dear…
It will be your time to cry
Only...
If I sin...If I fail you...

I will wait forever...

R

deliriumtrip @ 2006-02-05T01:36:00

2006-02-05T06:36:37Z

Steven is coming today.
He will be here in about an hour and a half.
I`m excited.